Date Night & 10 Lessons from 35 Years of Marriage

We do date night once a week. Sometimes it is a simple night by a fire; other times, it is a night out, but it always involves asking each other deep and thought-provoking questions. This is my favorite part. I love it. It’s been amazing for our communication and connection. I highly recommend date cards and deep questions. This past week,I asked my husband, "What do you think has held us together all these years through the good and hard times?" The truth is, marriage isn’t a Hallmark movie. It sure would make things easier, wouldn’t it? 😂 Marriage takes work! I say it is one of the hardest jobs you will ever have! We have both changed ALOT since our early years. We are NOT the same people we were in our 20s when we first got married. Remember those years, when you thought you could conquer the world? You felt invincible! I remember being told that our greatest challenge would be the differences in our personalities…how true it is! We’ve shared some incredible moments and walked through some hard ones. We raised four amazing kids, moved across the country several times, experienced seasons that tested us and celebrated amazing milestone moments as a family. Some years felt like a smooth ride. Others? Well, like we were stuck in traffic, often overheating, navigating detours, roadblocks, and flashing "Under Construction" signs. If you have felt this way too-it is NORMAL and you are not alone! I was reflecting post Valentine's week and here are 10 things that came from the question I asked my husband above. From that conversation, we created a list of 10 things we have learned along the way: 💖 "𝐖𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐮𝐬." One of my favorite quotes from the movie, The Family Man is: "I choose us." It’s easy to choose each other when things are good. But love—the kind that lasts—is choosing each other even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. 💖 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞! Speak up. Say what you really feel, not just what the other person wants to hear. (People pleasers, I know how hard this one is—I learned the hard way!) 💖 𝐀𝐫𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥. 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭. Differing opinions are healthy and necessary in all relationships. Just learn how to fight fair and be respectful (a learned skill). And listen more than you speak! 💖 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐠𝐨. Not easy, right? No one gets it right all the time. Holding onto resentment and grudges builds walls. I’ve built my share of them. Hurt can cause us to do that. But forgiveness and letting go- That’s what brings healing. 💖 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲. When things go wrong (and they will)-0wn your part! 💖 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬. Trees are strengthened in storms, and palm trees, especially, are known for their flexibility and resilience in strong winds. Their ability to bend without breaking comes from their unique structure, allowing them to sway and distribute the force of the wind. We can be like a palm tree—flexible, resilient, and unbreakable, growing stronger through the storms! 💖 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫. A kind word. A shared laugh. A small act of kindness. Take notice. Say thank you. The everyday moments add up. 💖 𝐀𝐝𝐚𝐩𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧. Midlife brings a LOT of change. Kids grow up and leave home. Life shifts. You navigate major transitions. Keep dating each other. Keep making time. Keep choosing each other. 💖 𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞. It’s important to look back. Because sometimes, the very things that first attracted you to each other become the things that challenge you the most. 💖 𝐁𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐝. Not always easy, right? We both came from divorced families-so staying together mattered...a lot. We learned that LOVE alone doesn’t always keep you together—no matter what Neil Sedaka says 😂 (Wouldn’t it be nice if it did?). But committment will. Love is in the doing, the persevering, the overcoming, the showing up, the navigating hard things and life transitions. And if you’re in a season where love feels hard or messy, you’re not alone. When the storms come… get support (therapy and/or coaching). Hard seasons happen. And some things can’t be fixed. But wherever you are in your season of life, relationships, and marriage, keep stepping forward—together❤ Love,

Terri